The Webster Groves Police Department is investigating a reported sexual assault near Webster University's campus.…
A Lighter Look at Webster University’s Construction
It’s no surprise seeing all of the construction that’s going on around campus. Webster always seems to be renovating, expanding, or building something new, but is that the real story here? This reporter says nay. That’s not the real story at all. I for one believe that we’re being lied to. I don’t believe that this is simply “construction” that’s going on around campus. Do you want to know what I think? Dinosaurs.
You can say construction, but I say that government scientists are working with Webster in an attempt to collect and then reanimate dinosaur bones that are buried right underneath our beloved school. Why else would a university drop $20,000 on a sand volleyball court? So here’s what is probably going on. Scientists find dinosaur bones under our school. Webster agrees to let them “do construction work.” Scientists, once they have all the bones, will then take the parts back to their secret government labs.
Then, they use their super advanced reanimation technology to bring the bones back to life and create completely real and alive dinosaurs. But things never turn out as planned. The scientists will soon lose control of the beasts, and in a desperate attempt to find their way back home, the dinosaurs will escape from their imprisonment and come back to Webster. Now, as a journalist, I must report the facts. I can’t go around claiming half-heartedly that the school is part of a government plan to bring dinosaurs to life so they can get money to start new construction projects on campus.
I say cut the construction and pay for something useful like an emergency dinosaur plan. We are woefully unprepared for a dinosaur attack here, people. If we don’t get a plan together, I suppose we could challenge the dinosaurs to a game of sand volleyball. Think of me what you will, but construction is expensive, we should be more conscious of what we build and we are woefully unprepared for a dinosaur attack.
By Lilly Dumar