The Sporting Insider: ‘Missouri’s Mascot Madness’


Josh Sellmeyer, Journal sports editor

A year ago, the Webster University Gorlok steamrolled its way through a Blue Blob, a Keg, a yellowjacket named Buzz and an artichoke named Artie en route to a Mascot Madness championship.

Now, the Gorlok is trying to defend its title in the 2012 Mascot Madness Sweet 16, a voting competition sponsored by Tucson, Ariz., radio station KCUB-AM, “The Source.” The Gorlok will have to navigate through a field that includes biscuits, sushi, almonds and something called Blowie the Blowfish. Cue the chuckling.

Some of the mascots in this and last year’s version of the Mascot Madness contest are outrageous. However, the truth is you don’t have to look any further than the state of Missouri to find some of the most ridiculously awesome mascots in the country.

Being the mascot aficionado that I am (and thanks to the excellent compilation on the website, I’ve found the most unusual college mascots in the Show-Me State. Only mascots from four-year schools were eligible to make the cut. Sorry, Roughrider and Roadrunner supporters.

In all likelihood, you’ve heard of the Billiken, Saint Louis University’s elf-like mascot that was originally a fad toy and doll. And hopefully you know every bit of information about Webster’s Gorlok, a wacky combination of cheetah, buffalo and Saint Bernard that looks like a … lion. Rock Chalk Gorlok, baby!

[pinnion id=2228]

But have you heard of the strangest mascot in Missouri (and arguably the country) — Morty the Eutectic of St. Louis College of Pharmacy? As everyone knows, eutectic describes the scientific process of two solids combining to form a liquid.

If Morty just had a pair of horns, he would look exactly like, get this, the Gorlok. Copy cats.

Right behind the Eutectics in nickname strangeness are the Blue Tigers of Lincoln University. Lincoln is the only U.S. school with the Blue Tigers nickname.

Next in line is the mascot of Logan College of Chiropractic, the Donkey. Logan’s brethren resides at the University of Central Missouri — the Mules (men’s teams) and the Jennies (women’s teams). As weird as those nicknames are, they sure beat Central Missouri’s former nicknames, the Normals and the Teachers. You can’t make this stuff up.

Then there’s the Ambassadors of Ozark Christian College and the Kangaroos of the University of Missouri-Kansas City. Ozark is the only school in America with the Ambassadors nickname, while three schools in the U.S. root for their Kangaroos.

In St. Louis, we have Webster’s conference rival, the Fontbonne University Griffins. The Griffin has the head and wings of an eagle, and the body of a lion.

Pretty original nickname, right? Wrong. Six other schools in America are nicknamed the Griffins. And Missouri Western State University one-upped Fontbonne and the rest by adding an “O” to become the Griffons. Missouri Western is the only school in the U.S. nicknamed the Griffons.

Missouri is also home to Tritons (University of Missouri-St. Louis), Soldiers (Saint Louis Christian College) and Miners (Missouri University of Science & Technology).

I had thought all along Missouri was known for its Lions (Lindenwood University, Missouri Southern State College), Tigers (University of Missouri) and Bears (Missouri State University, Washington University).

As it turns out, the state that’s home to Gorloks and Billikens, Blue Tigers and Donkeys, has the maddest mascots in America.

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