December 15, 2018

Pumpkin bye

Ugh, it’s that time of year. Pumpkin spice season. The time when everyone and their mother orders everything supposed to be flavored like that big orange thing that tastes like literal mush. But honestly, if you think about it, pumpkin spice flavored everything is tasty to people mainly because of  the spices, not the pumpkin. The pumpkin itself is just a weird, soft baby food type substance that doesn’t taste like anything. So I would consider ditching the “pumpkin-flavored everything” shirt you got at Forever 21 this season.

Let’s talk about pumpkin spice lattes. I might be biased, but as a barista at a coffee shop, I’ve got some feelings about pumpkin spice people. They are relentless. People were asking about pumpkin spice when August hit and it was still 90+ degrees outside. Like sit down. It’s summertime. It’s not your time yet. And it shouldn’t be your time, ever, because the pumpkin you so desire isn’t even real. Pumpkin-flavored is a lie.

Do you ever think about the fact that most coffee shop syrups are made with only a small amount of pumpkin? Mostly, it is sugar and autumn spices like cinnamon and cardamom. Even with other things that are pumpkin spice around this time of year, like muffins and scented candles, pumpkins are only a small portion of those. It is mostly the sugar and spice and everything nice (that isn’t pumpkin) that make it seem so desirable.

There are many things surrounding the autumn season that make more sense. Spiced apple ciders are to die for. And chais? Amazing. Nothing better. That homemade chai tea with literally everything that is usually in pumpkin stuff but without the pumpkin. Forget the pumpkin pie. Apple pies or apple butter pies are way better and they actually taste like the real thing for good reason.

In the end, do what you want, but I’m over it.

 

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